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Larry the squirrel has taken up permanent residence around our dining room window. He has made himself notable by keeping up a corpulent physique, as you can see. He hangs out on our fence, and occasionally takes a daring leap, holding onto the outside of the window, peering in. I think he likes us. I don’t know why Larry was the first name that popped into my head for the creature, but my son thought it was funny, so it stuck.

You may wonder why I have had so much time on my hands to name squirrels, and why my son is home helping me name them. Well, I had fully expected to be back at my normal routine by Wednesday at 9am, but that was before Wednesday at 5am. It was at just that moment that my older daughter produced tangible proof that her tummy felt sick, as she assured me it did before she went to sleep the night before. She was staying home. Another hour later, her brother gave me evidence that he, too, could not be in school. That left one little first grader to return, all alone, on that big yellow bus, after ten days away. All alone, she reminded me. She started to make up a song about it. She does that kind of thing when she wants to make a point.

Even Larry was glaring at me by the end of it. I drove her to school.

I know that my little girl was especially concerned that her sister would spend the day learning the songs from High School Musical II, which they had just purchased themselves on Sunday. She was afraid that big sister would be the first to know “Humu humu nuku nuku apua’a” all the way through. I think my first grader really wants to play Sharpay herself.

No, I don’t think she wants to; I know she does. In fact, she told me that her new nickname is Ashley. She has taken to wearing sunglasses around the house, puts on leotards at night instead of pyjamas. When she reclines to go to bed, she breaks into “Fabulous,” and tells me, “I want MORE!” I’ll admit, she isn’t half bad. Between this and her sister’s Britney imitations, their brother has been groaning a lot. If I start in with the torch songs, he usually turns in early and puts on his earphones to Linkin Park… and he sings along (although he denies that).

This all started a long, long time ago, but really came to life last spring, when my little girl was a Munchkin in the Framingham High School production of the “Wizard of Oz.” It was there that she discovered that it is “not scary at all” to be on stage. In fact, she told me it was really fun, because you can hear people clapping, but when the lights are on, it is all about the “world up there,” as she called it. Her one regret–no, two: she didn’t get to be Dorothy, and she did not get to be in the Jitterbug scene.

Now, I mentioned a few nights ago some highly idealistic ideas I had long before I actually had kids about how they would be spending their free moments…. something about rehearsing Hamlet, I believe. Now, Shakespeare would be fine, not to mention impressive, but what I didn’t realize when I was twenty is that kids need to be kids. In other words, all those teachable moments I was envisioning really were more about who I thought my kids should be instead of who they really are. I just had no idea how special they really would be.

I may complain a lot about my kids’ not liking a lot of the music and musicals and movies and food and so many things that I think are just wonderful… But what I do love is watching them get really excited about anything that allows them to express themselves. (Um… except tattoos. And probably some other things they will ask me about in the next few years… I hope they ask me…) At this point, though, if it’s High School Musical and Hairspray, and they are also making up their own things about the little girl alone on the school bus, and the Pegasus and the unicorn, I am just going to enjoy the show. Larry the squirrel may enjoy it, too. I would not be surprised if there is a song about Larry soon.

And as for my little girl’s lost practice time, it turns out there were no “rehearsals” yesterday. My older daughter was pale, asleep, and feverish all day, and my son looked pretty pale most of the day, too. Larry was the only one up for theatrics, and even he wandered off for a rest at some point. Now, a day later, everyone seems well again, ready for rehearsals, ready for school, ready for life. And I am ready for bed.

My writing has been affected by the middle school schedule. I have found it difficult not to nod off sometime after 11pm, since I have to get up shortly after the brutal hour of 6:15am. It stinks, particularly because I feel my creative urges draining from my fingertips on a daily basis. I hope to correct this soon.

In the meantime, I contribute this, a song from my girls about a large, stuffed polar bear named Beary. If you knew my six-year-old daughter, you would understand why Beary is such a funny bear. Beary is cantankerous, but has many adventures. If you knew my eight-year-old daughter, you would know that Beary has been hearing nightly recitations of Winnie-the-Pooh, with some intriguing consequences. Beary has become quite distressed at learning of Pooh’s emprisonment chez Rabbit. Also, balloons, umbrellas, and the words, “Tut, tut, it looks like rain,” have affected Beary in a profound way.

Beary Blues

I looked in the kitchen for my honey pot.
I thought I had some honey, but I guess not.
I’ve got the Beary Beary blues
I’ve got the Beary Beary blues
I’ve got the Beary blues, and I need some honey, you see.

I looked for some honey… in a tree.
I looked for some honey, but damn that bee!
I’ve got the Beary Beary blues
I’ve got the Beary Beary blues
I’ve got the Beary blues, and a stinger in my knee.

I went to find honey, and guess what I saw.
I saw my honey on another bear’s paw.
I’ve got the Beary Beary blues.
I’ve got the Beary Beary blues.
I’ve got the Beary blues, and no honey, poor ole me!

I finally found some honey in a honeycomb.
I turned around then and brought it right on home.
I’m not Beary Beary blue (anymore)
I’m not Beary Beary blue (anymore)
I’m not Beary blue now, eating blueberries with honey!

Yes, I did note that one of the private things in my life is that I am a one-time horse-owner. I do not recommend it, especially if you feel the least bit intimidated by animals that are bigger than you are.

Forgive me, horse lovers. I have surely hit the nerve of some of you out there. I assure you, I voice my caution with utmost respect and admiration for the equine enthusiast. Indeed, I imagine that it is you, oh horsey friend, who truly understand the care and loving that these animals need.

So how did this all begin?

I was pregnant, pre-doctoral-exam and, looking back, half mad. I had gone from my normal coursework, teaching and student life to pre-mom panic near the hub of the universe. We lived in Brookline. We had just moved from Colorado, and I loved the hustle of the city and the feel of being in the East. But, when prompted sufficiently, I did have to agree that it was sort of noisy, and really expensive. So I entertained the notion of at least looking at houses one day while we were on a little getaway in the Northeast Kingdom. There were some nice houses, much cheaper, of course. Some were on beautiful, quaint commons. Some were in the woods. There was one stunning house, on pavement (as opposed to the ubiquitous dirt roads found in those parts), that just went with the image of canning and berry picking, and drinking tea on the back porch after a satisfying day’s work on a novel I had not started, or even considered writing… I would be embarrassed to admit falling for the whole thing, had not so many others been similarly seduced by this image of bucolic utopia. A few months later, we packed up the new baby and headed for the hills. It was March, and they were snowy hills, I might add. There was a LOT of snow, and it did not melt until May. Late May. It was forty degrees below zero the night after we moved in. Nothing melts when it’s that cold.

Although I found many things to love there, I felt a tad isolated—oh, I can tell more stories about that, too—when I lived in Vermont, and the horses were no help. Mostly, they took a lot of time. Now, you all may assume by reading this that I don’t take well to critters. Not true. When I was little, we fed raccoons in our suburban backyard. I was a big birdwatcher. As for bigger farm animals, as a little girl, I rode horses, albeit cautiously, nearly every time my family went to the country to see my aunt and uncle, about once a month. I was never the horsey girl who was in the equestrian troop of the Girl Scouts or wanted riding boots or read Black Beauty over and over at the age of eight, but it was pretty fun seeing my cousins and riding Dixie. (I also shot at cans with a rifle and drove homemade go carts too fast through the hills, but those are yet more stories for another time.). Dixie was gentle, and fun to groom and feed, and I really liked the barn. And then I went home and didn’t think much about horses. That was my experience with them.

So the question is sure to have come up in your mind by now. Why horses?

Well, the answer is simple. They came with the house.

The house we moved into was beautiful. It had two staircases—a dream I had growing up, because of the house where I used to take piano lessons. Add to that the push-button lights, three huge clawfoot bathtubs, pocket doors, leaded glass, a full walk-in pantry. It was elegant, wonderful inside. And outside were seven acres of perennial gardens on a gentle slope. Around the back was the entrance to the updated stables in the lower level of a three-story barn attached to the house. And there, in the stables, were the horses.

The big Morgan mix was twenty-six years old. Her name was Amber, and she was cranky. I couldn’t say I blamed her. The people who owned the house seemed to love her, and she loved them, and now they were going back to merry old England. The younger one—who turned out not to be that much younger—was named Marc Antony, or Tony for short. Tony the pony. Oh yes, he was a pony, and he was hell on wheels.. ahem, hooves. If Amber did not get out, Tony did. And if Amber did, it was usually because she was worried about Tony, who had already loosened the gate and headed down the field, or possibly the street. Have you ever tried to catch a naughty pony? The normal techniques I tried with cats sometimes worked. Tony liked oats, and occasionally came running if I shook the bag. When that trick failed, though, it was not fun, especially because I was not used to hip-deep snow, ice, and otherwise nasty conditions. So that was it for me. The care and maintenance of beasts, as well as starting the fire in the woodstove, were now in the hands of my then-husband. After nights up nursing, I had a good excuse to sleep in until seven a.m., after all.

There were still many coincidental worries around the animals. We were constantly running out of hay and feed, and the bit about shoeing them was more trouble and expense than I ever could have imagined. We had to lock the oats away from Tony, or he would eat too much and somehow develop founder, which is a scary condition I had never encountered. I felt that we were probably not doing everything quite right, and at best, were not giving the horses the opportunities to pull carts and be otherwise useful and productive. I had the idea that Tony’s shenanigans were as much a statement of boredom as a simple part of his personality.

Still, we kept the horses. I would have given up much sooner. Once, I was on my own for a couple of weeks. I was six months pregnant, had another baby in a backpack, and was shoveling manure. It was not a graceful or comfortable thing to do. In context, though, it did not seem like a big deal. What made it somewhat easier was the fact that many of the people I had met up there were dairy farmers. They were in cold barns working from four in the morning, sometimes with a young child or two in tow, sometimes pregnant, usually tired, and taking care not of pets, but of the animals who were their livelihood. I have never seen anyone work harder. They were often out there for hours later than any normal bedtime, repairing machines, tending sick animals, haying in the summer. I saw their raw hands and red faces, day in and day out, and I couldn’t really find it in myself to complain about a couple of cranky, but somehow amusingly mischievous horses.

Still, it was during my then-husband’s first long motorcycle trip that I realized the horses needed to go. By that time, number three child had arrived, and I realized that my role as a mother was turning into something I had not expected. My second boy’s delays in development across the board were quite evidently not cured by the various therapies I had set up, and a Leo the Late Bloomer scenario was becoming less and less likely. In June, my son was diagnosed with autism.

A neighbor gave me the name of the previous owners of the horses, and I called them. A few days later, they came and took Amber and Tony back to the horse farm where they had lived years before.

Strangely enough, after a couple of years, horses were exactly the thing that gave my son more than any other therapy he has ever had. I have no statistical data to prove this, and it could very well be argued that all the other efforts we had made just came together right then. It did seem like a miracle, though. He learned to walk, then run, after just a few rides on the back of a horse, a very calm horse—well, actually, a pony. I never knew this, but according to the occupational therapist who ran the show, humans ride horses comfortably because our gaits are the same. Horses are therapeutic, she said, because they give the rhythm of walking to those who don’t have it themselves. It seemed to be exactly the case for my son. And the magic continued. He said words he had never said before or since when the rhythm was right on the back of those animals. He smiled when he was riding, and rode on trails for several weeks with his brother one glorious fall.

Now, it takes a special sort of horse to be able to be a therapy horse, and I can tell you right now that Amber and Tony were a little past their prime for that kind of training. One thing was certain, though. I was no longer afraid of big animals. I stayed away from their backsides, more to avoid being kicked or stepped on than anything else, but aside from that, they didn’t scare me anymore. Chasing an ornery pony around the yard in the dead of a cold Vermont winter was a great way to dispel any fear I had.

So, when the time came to put my four-year-old son, who could barely sit up, in the saddle, I handed him over, watched him, and waited. I trusted, watched, waited, much as I do today, and will no doubt continue to do, as his life moves on at a different pace from the lives all around him.